He felt like a one man threesome
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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