he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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