So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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