If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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