he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize