I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
from now on my penis is your penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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