Say something about gay babies.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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