dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize