Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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