I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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