I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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