OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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