Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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