there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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