i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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