my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize