It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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