The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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