Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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