I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize