Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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