Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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