how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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