the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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