Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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