Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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