He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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pop tarts are not kleenex
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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