I think my vagina is haunted
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize