Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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