first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize