at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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