i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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