well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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