my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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