Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a search helicopter?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize