She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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