I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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