Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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