I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize