i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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