i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize