i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize