I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize