I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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