I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize