Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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