Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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