I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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