I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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