Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize